It’s back-to-school time again, and my step kids are starting a new school year in a new school district (less than 5 miles from the previous school, but new nonetheless).
During the last school year, our main struggle was getting the other side to help with homework or projects at all, often times leaving us with very little time to help them finish schoolwork between the end of visitation and bedtime. As such, to support my partner and his kids, I have been very involved in homework, reading, helping them study, and all of their extracurriculars.
My daughters, who are now in high school and college, have also been a big support in nurturing and encouraging their younger step siblings in these things and more. When it came time for open house in schools that my daughters previously attended, they were more than excited to show them around and help them get adjusted in their new environments.
The youngest one leaned on my arm during dinner while discussing open house, asking, “will you come with me?” As with any request they have regarding school, extracurriculars, events, etc., and specifically asking me to come, my reply was, “absolutely, my love.”
Since the biological parent on the other side has been reluctant and unwilling to support them educationally or with extracurriculars, it most likely fuels their desire to have my involvement. But it begs the question: should stepparents be involved in school activities and extracurriculars?
Parental support in education and extracurriculars
Studies have shown that there is a positive, high correlation between parent involvement and child success in school and extracurriculars.
A few items to note are that children with involved parents do better in:
- academics
- behavior and self-esteem
- personal motivation
- a higher likelihood of graduation and attendance in college
- and more
Stepparent-child relationship impact
The National Library of Medicine completed a study on Stepfamily Relationship Quality and Children’s Internalizing and Externalizing Problems. 1 In the study, they determined that while children in stepfamilies (now nearly 1-in-3 families) have trouble adjusting to the new family dynamic, it also stated that they “fare better in terms of psychological, social, and behavioral health when they perceive relationships in the family as positive, available, stable, and secure”. 1
This leads me to believe that if the children see that the stepparent is available for them, supports them, and provides a home in which they feel safe, the children will thrive even more than simply with the support of one biological resident parent. Especially if the non-resident parent does not support them in their education and their passions.
The study also noted, “Stepparents who engage their stepchildren with love, affection, and appreciation, and avoid the expression of anger and aggression, are capable of providing support and exerting positive influence on children’s adjustment over time.”1
Maybe there’s a lot more to the saying, “with love, anything is possible” than we originally imagined.
Supporting Stepparents in school activities and extracurriculars
Research provides a plethora of evidence to support a strong link between parent/stepparent involvement and support, and the success of children on multiple levels.
Unless there is some Bonafide reason that a stepparent should not be involved in step kids school activities and extracurricular activities (beyond the jealousy or illogical reasons of the biological parent), then I believe that yes, a stepparent should be involved in school activities and extracurriculars.
So go ahead. Provide your stepchildren the love, support, affection, and encouragement that they need and want. Will there be strife and arguments with their biological non-resident parent? Probably. But is it worth it? I believe it is.
Sources
1 Jensen, Todd M et al. “Stepfamily Relationship Quality and Children’s Internalizing and Externalizing Problems.” Family process vol. 57,2 (2018): 477-495. doi:10.1111/famp.12284
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